◉ ON AIR
CYBERLY
PARANORMAL
INVESTIGATORS
No Spectre Too Spooky · No Byte Too Baffling
🍳 FRYING TONIGHT — and possibly your data too 🍳
NOW BROADCASTING
◉ 22:00 · ONGOING
🔦
Digital Haunting Detection
Something weird on your network? Lights flickering? Router whimpering softly? We sweep the premises with ectoplasm-resistant scanners and a torch.
◉ LIVE NOW
👁️
Evidence Illumination
We shine light on the spookiest digital shadows. Metadata, hidden files, and that spreadsheet that is definitely alive.
◉ 23:30 · REPEAT
📡
Spectral Signal Tracing
Mysterious transmissions? Suspicious Wi-Fi named "TotallyNotAGhost"? We trace it to source. Results may vary wildly.
◉ 00:15 · NEW
🧪
Ectoplasm Forensics
We analyse residue left at haunting scenes. It is almost always coffee. Occasionally it is not. Either way: report filed.
◉ 01:00 · PREMIERE
🪤
The Classic Trap Setup
Bait. Box. Stick. String. 74% closure rate. The remaining 26% escaped in a van. Investigation ongoing.
◉ 03:00 · SIMULCAST
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Standard Biscuit Deployment
Non-negotiable. Certified crucial to all investigations. The biscuits are NOT evidence. Repeat: NOT evidence.
⚠ BREAKING CASES
CPI-001: PHANTOM PRINTER — cron job confirmed. Ink: real.
CPI-002: HAUNTED HEX DUMP — USB humming opera. Unresolved.
CPI-003: WI-FI "GETOUT" — played a jaunty tune, vanished forever.
CPI-004: VVI GHOST DIVISION — deny all involvement. Beautifully.
CPI-005: THE REMARKABLY HELPFUL HAUNTING — tidied cables, left a note.
CPI-001: PHANTOM PRINTER — cron job confirmed. Ink: real.
CPI-002: HAUNTED HEX DUMP — USB humming opera. Unresolved.
CPI-003: WI-FI "GETOUT" — played a jaunty tune, vanished forever.
CPI-004: VVI GHOST DIVISION — deny all involvement. Beautifully.
CPI-005: THE REMARKABLY HELPFUL HAUNTING — tidied cables, left a note.
SIGNAL INTERCEPTS · UNVERIFIED TRANSMISSIONS
"They found the ghost in my database. It was a rogue NULL value. I did not know NULL values could hum. They do. They do hum."
▶ MAYOR DINA BRAVE · CYBERLY CIVIC CENTRE · SIGNAL STRENGTH: 94%
"Stayed three hours, ate everything in the fridge, concluded it was the boiler. Comprehensive. Outstanding. Would not un-hire."
▶ B. FORGETFUL · EPHEMERAL MEMORIES LTD · SIGNAL STRENGTH: 71%
"We categorically did NOT hire them. That ghost was not ours. We filed a strongly worded memo. In glitter."
▶ VILLAINOUS VENTURES INC. · SOURCE LOCATION: UNKNOWN · SIGNAL STRENGTH: ██%
FIELD OPERATIVES · CURRENTLY DEPLOYED
🦊
Agent Vixby
LEAD PARANORMAL ANALYST
I definitely heard something. No I'm not going in first.
🧙♀️
Dr. Elspeth Gloom
SPECTRAL DATA SCIENTIST
The metadata doesn't lie. The ghost did, however.
🤖
SCAMP-7
AI FIELD ASSISTANT
94.7% probability of haunting. Currently running.
🐶
Hex the Dog
CHIEF SNACK OFFICER
There was a biscuit here. It is gone now.
◉ SPECTRAL SITUATION? CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY
C · P · I · HOTLINE
Available 24/7 · Response times may vary if we're trapped in a cupboard